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Distress Canto



It all started out as a quiet intuition which then turned into reality until it was a battle between dreams and nightmares. Suddenly, all I wanted is to go back to the beginning when all of it was just a feeling. Unfortunately, I can’t ask for anybody to bring back time and fix whatever muddle I just made. By this episode, I am certain there won’t be any magic, there won’t be any spells, there won’t be any flashbacks and there won’t be any fairy godmother who is going to guarantee me the safest way to go to the ball. Upon the obscurest horizon, when all that is visible starts to disappear, and when I cannot find anyway to escape, I simply assumed it was the inevitable.



It wa sn’t a doubt, I got hard up with this AC ET Essay, and I used to cry nightly due to suffering of thinking all about the best words, phrases, idioms and expressions to use. Until this night came, August 12, 2009. My mother told me I was just so irresponsible, clumsy, immature, indolent and slow-moving that I’vie never done anything right, and I am confident, that is exactly what my father thinks of me too. In spite of this, I have this great will to prove them wrong. I know somehow that I am correct and that I am precisely not the person they presumed I was. I am wise and passionate, not only one person told me so, not only two, not only five, and not only ten. Earlier this day, we had a recollection, and we were to perform this activity which our Recollection Master, Rev. John Vasquez called as “Wei ben Ike?”, a Dutch statement which means “who am I?”. In this activity, one is supposed to have ten pieces of paper with phrases written on each paper, phrases specifically as: Don’t be afraid, Don’t give up, Friends Forever, Keep it up, I want to know you more, I will miss you, You’re the best, Thank you, I’ll always be here for you and I am sorry. Out of 760 papers, I was lucky to receive 76, which means everybody gave me; two papers containing “I want to know you more”, two of those which contain “Don’t be afraid”, four papers with “I will miss you” and four papers with “Don’t give up”, five papers containing “I am sorry”, six papers with ”Thank You”, six papers having “Friends Forever”, six paper which contain ”I’ll always be here for you”, eight papers containing “You are the Best” and 33 of those which contain “Keep it up”. A lot of people appreciate what I can do, but as can see it my parents never did which forced me to think that they often act as parents but rarely as a father and mother.



Nevertheless, I have always been a proud daughter. I have a father who is very down-to-earth and sociable despite of his position in the government. He is not like any other politicians, he neither have a bodyguard nor driver. The people love him, he is indeed very simple and compassionate. Various people would not be able to notice he is a Vice Mayor unless they know him personally. He is an icon, at the same time, a disciple of justice. On the other hand, my friends envy me because of my mother. Most of the time, I can impart with her my most precious, most rewarding, most inspiring and most private memories and thoughts. She has an exceptional sense of humor. I always thought of my parents as heroes, life-savers, and recently. A total contrast of what they seem to make me feel, a burden. I am not hesitate to admit that I do commit a lot of mistakes, I get confuse, I am terrible and I am reckless, not because numerous people are, but because I never felt remorse. I humbly accept my faults, because I grew up recognizing stumbles, trips and fall as the best components needed to strengthen a person’s feelings, thoughts and personality.



While drafting this essay, I happen to ask myself, “Wei ben Ike?”. I was nothing but speechless. There I found out, I would’t be able to define myself without my father and mother. After all of this, I still need to go back to them. I know this is not the first time this situation occurred and I know I kept running but still I returned. I am sure it is God’s desire! I am still young and I know He has more plans for me. I guess Robert Frost was right when he said “In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”



Nobody can define himself completely without fully preparing himself to accept who he is in reality-Fact! Defining oneself is sometimes puzzling, because you don’t know who you are by just focusing on yourself. You need to at least know what others think about you. You have to consider your past, your present and your future. You ought to examine who you are in different moods and society. Defining a person is not like vocabulary test, it is like a physics examination instead. It is all about the why’s and how’s, not who’s, what’s, where’s and when’s.



Abruptly, I noticed, the feeling I had before gently followed the wind, so did my distress canto.